More Blonde Humor
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Pain When You´re Blonde
A woman walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I hurt all over."
The doctor says, "That's impossible."
"No really!” she replies. Just look, when I touch my arm, ouch! it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and says, "You're a natural blonde, aren't you?"
The woman smiles and says, "Why yes I am. How did you know?" The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."
To: My Boss
Subject: Changing calendars from Y2K
I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
I also changed all the days of each week to:
We are now Y to K compliant.
Husbands and Blondes
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of North Carolina."
And they say blondes are dumb...
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Blonde Shopper (September 2004)
A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana's bayou-country. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local sellers were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shop-keepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper replied, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll be lucky and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killing the creature with one shot. Then, with apparent great effort, she hauled the carcass onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper was dumbfounded. Just then the blonde flipped the dead alligator on its back, and shouted with frustration: "DAMN it! This one's barefoot too!"
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Why Blondes Shouldn’t Drink
When asked by her host if she would like another drink the attractive blonde demurely bowed her head and softly said, “No, thank you. My husband limits me to one drink.”
“Oh, why is that,” the curious host enquired.
The blonde lady replied, “Because after one drink, I can feel it…after two drinks, anyone can!”
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Blondes And Golf Balls (April 26, 2004)
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked ... "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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Blonde Is Beautiful (1/17/00)
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . .we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."
Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, ....”If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
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BLONDE IS BEAUTIFUL 1
The man with the beautiful blond wife explaining to his boss why he was late...
“My wife went to the airport and saw a sign that said ´Airport Left,´ so she turned around and went home....”
Editor Jeff Pardo spotted this beauty and couldn´t resist:
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to Brisbane, Australia with a Ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.
The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that Her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to Brisbane." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The Captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to Brisbane." The Captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to Brisbane".
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